Humour in the Bible

Psalm 2:4 (KJV)

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision.


People seem to get upset when I tell them that there are funny moments in the Bible, as though the very idea of humour is blasphemous. But as this post points out, God definitely has a sense of humour. So why wouldn’t it be included in His Book? The one He inspired. Below are three of my favourite humourous stories in the Bible. Starting with the most well-known.

Samson’s Pun

Samson, who was gifted with incredible strength as long as he never cut his hair, was an enemy of the Philistines. At one point an entire army came to kill him, but he picked up the jaw bone of a donkey and slayed them all. Then he famously said, “With the jaw of a donkey, I have made donkeys of them”. Or as the King James Version says,

Judges 15:15-16 (KJV)

And he found a new jawbone of an ass, and put forth his hand, and took it, and slew a thousand men therewith. And Samson said, With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jaw of an ass have I slain a thousand men.

Raiders of the Lost Ark…kind of

This story is actually told in three parts. The Ark of the Covenant was the item the Israelites used to win their battles against their enemies. It was essentially like carrying God around without actually carrying Him around. That’s a bad description, but hopefully you get what I’m saying.

Anyway, during a particularly nasty battle, the Philistines managed to steal the Ark. This seemed like a major victory to them, because the Israelites ended up losing the battle, and some important people ended up dying.

But the Philistines quickly found out that that wasn’t the best idea they could have done. The statue of their god, Dagon, fell over. When they set it up, it fell over again the following morning, and this time the head and hands had cleanly broken off. As you can imagine, the Philistines were afraid and took the Ark out of the city and into the country.

However, that wasn’t enough. The Philistines were hit with plagues. After seven months, they put the Ark on a cart and had it sent back to the Israelites.


Peter’s Ghost

Now one from the New Testament. King Herod set out to kill Peter, as he knew that would please the Jews. So he had Peter captured and held captive for a long time. Meanwhile the Church was praying for his safe return at Mary’s house. One night, while Peter slept in his cell with two guards on watch in front of his cell, an angel woke him up and said to follow. Scripture even says that Peter was hoping that this was really happening and not just a dream.

Acts 12:9 (KJV)

And he went out, and followed him; and wist not that it was true which was done by the angel; but thought he saw a vision.

When he was out of the prison, he went back to Mary’s house. But when he knocked on the door, instead of letting him in immediately, they grew afraid because they thought Peter was dead and that his ghost was at the door. Eventually, of course, they let him in, and he had to explain what happened.


There are many other funny moments in Scripture, but these are my three favourite ones. If you have a favourite funny verse or biblical story, feel free to share them in the comments.

Illegal Immigration in the Bible

Leviticus 19:33-34 (KJV)

And if a stranger sojourn with thee in your land, ye shall not vex him. But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.


Ah, see? It says right there, “Only white, English-speaking people are allowed, for this is ‘Murica!”. The bible has spoken!

Where is this coming from out of nowhere? I had a fellow believer friend tell me that the bible is clear that illegal immigration is a sin, and that you should kill anyone who tries to become part of your land. But I didn’t see that at all. The only thing I could think of is something I covered in another post;

Deuteronomy 7:3-4(KJV)

Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.

But that was talking about the Israelites intermingling with conquered lands. this is talking about someone moving from one land to another land. Not even the same thing.

So why is everyone so worked up about people coming to live in America? The only things I’ve heard are that they come here to rape, pillage, and kill, which is not true, or that they take all the jobs so Americans can’t find work, which is again not true. Which, of course, leaves the biblical reasons, but I’ve already discredited that.

Looking For The Bible on the Map

Genesis 8:4 (KJV)

And the ark rested in the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, upon the mountains of Ararat.

This one technically belongs in Archeobiblical, but I guess it’s a misperception.  Besides, it’s been well over a year since I last posted in this category.

I see this all the time; Someone sees a location in the Bible and wants to find where it is. I used to do that all the time. But you can’t just whip out a modern atlas or Google Maps and look up, for example, Canaan.


That’s because Canaan doesn’t exist anymore. It became Israel, and other areas. So looking at a modern map, you wouldn’t find it.

I’ve seen nonbelievers use this to disprove the Bible. “It’s not on the map, so it doesn’t exist”. Yes, it doesn’t exist…now!”. Look at a map of Europe from a hundred years ago and it looks much different than it does now. Heck, look a map from last week! I mean, technically this Brexit thing isn’t going to really change the map, but when they colour code certain maps, the UK will be a different colour.

Anyway, what got me wanting to do this is that I forgot to add one small detail in my Noah’s Ark post. Durupınar site, the official name for the location, is fifteen miles south of Mount Ararat. This is important and one of the major reason why I, and others, believe this to be the Ark.

If Mount Ararat sounds familiar, then it’s because it’s where countless people have explored in search of Noah’s Ark. That’s where the Bible said the Ark landed. But go reread the opening verse again. “…mountains of Ararat“. MountainS, plural. Ararat was the name of the region, not the name of the mountain. The area’s name was later changed to Turkey, and the mountain was given the name Ararat.

But the fact that the Ark isn’t isn’t sitting on the mountain, so many “experts”, most of them fellow believers, deny that Durupinar is the Ark. If they’d read the Bible, they’d find that it is.

Speaking of which, even Google Maps recognizes Durupinar Site as Noah’s Ark. which I honestly didn’t expect!

Noah's Ark


But anyway, the same goes for countless other locations listed in the Bible. Most of those cities, kingdoms, and nations no longer exist, so you’d need an ancient map to look for them. Just because they’re not on Google Maps (though after that Noah’s Ark thing I wouldn’t be surprised if there was at least a marker letting you know something was there once), doesn’t mean the Bible is disproved.

Interracial Marriage

Deuteronomy 7:3-4(KJV)

Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.

Oh, you read it right there! Interracial marriage is forbidden! Whites don’t marry blacks! The South was right! Oh, the humanity!!

Okay, I always say context is key, and that’s just as true with this verse, one which has been used to justify segregation throughout history. The Israelites were the only people this applied to. Remember what I said about context? If you read the whole chapter, you’ll see it’s talking about a specific thing. Namely, lands they conquered.

But also, the Israelites were the only people at the time that had a covenant with God, so they were always kept separated from everyone else.

When it comes to things like this, it’s always best to see what the New Testament says on the matter…

2 Corinthians 6:14(KJV)

14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

So the New Testament says to not marry a nonbeliever. It doesn’t say to not mix races, just to not marry a non-Christian.

Predestined Free Will

1 Samuel 8:19-21 (KJV)

19 Nevertheless the people refused to obey the voice of Samuel; and they said, Nay; but we will have a king over us; 20 That we also may be like all the nations; and that our king may judge us, and go out before us, and fight our battles. 21 And Samuel heard all the words of the people, and he rehearsed them in the ears of the Lord.

It’s often heatedly debated weather or not we have free will or if our every action is governed by God, like a giant game of Sims. Those who think we’re controlled like Sims should keep in mind that if you let the Sim do it’s own thing, it ends up killing itself on accident. In that scenario, free will is a bad thing. But if it’s predestined, then that means God is deliberately doing evil things like killing babies and making people have terminal illnesses.

But if God controlled every movement we did, we’d all do nothing but worship Him 24/7. But at the same time, He knows everything that’s going to happen, so how can we have free will if everything is already known by God?

The answer, according to what I’ve found through studying, is what I shall call “predestined free will”. If I were to throw my phone against the wall as hard as I could and smash it, God didn’t make me do it. I chose to do it. He knew before He created the universe I was going to smash my phone. So is it free will that I smashed my phone if He always knew about it? I’ve debated people over this subjected, mostly my own friends. It’s taken nearly a year for me to get around to writing about this because I could never word it to where I could express it. I have finally found a foundation for predestined free will in scripture.

The early days of the Nation of Israel didn’t have an earthly king because God, Jehovah, is the King of Israel. But the Israelites eventually decided they wanted an earthly king because that’s what everyone else was doing. Or as scripture says, “That we also may be like all the nations”. God originally refused because, as I said, He is their King. But they kept at it, using their free will to tell Jehovah He wasn’t good enough for them. Finally, He told them they can have their king.

1 Samuel 8:22 (KJV)

22 And the Lord said to Samuel, Hearken unto their voice, and make them a king. And Samuel said unto the men of Israel, Go ye every man unto his city.

He knew before he even set Himself up as King that this would happen, so He used it as part of His plan. The blood line leading directly to Christ starts with King David, the second earthly king of Israel.

Likewise, you have free will to believe in Jesus or not believe. If you were being controlled by Him, you’d have no choice to believe. But He already knows who is going to believe and not believe.


Acts 15:7(KJV)

And when there had been much disputing, Peter rose up, and said unto them, Men and brethren, ye know how that a good while ago God made choice among us, that the Gentiles by my mouth should hear the word of the gospel, and believe.

If you follow this series and know how I do things, you’ll probably see this title and try to get a couple hundred miles away from me when the nuke goes off. Heck, I flat-out called Catholicism a false religion. What am I going to say about Islam??

But actually this post will be a little different. I’m actually going to defend Muslims.

While I am a Christian with all of my heart, I’m also a seeker of truth (which is what lead me to Christ). If you look at my early blog posts from years ago, long before I started this series, you’ll realize I love researching random things. I tend to look stuff up for myself before I believe it. If I see a post on Facebook making some claim (celebrity death, some overly simple cure for diabetes, etc) I look it up before sharing.

So naturally, when everyone started calling Muslims terrorists and saying the Quran says to kill non-Muslims, I researched it for myself. And I was shocked at what I found. Islam is similar to Christianity in at least one way.

Terrorists have taken the Quran and deliberately mistranslated it to make it fit their agenda. When the media wants to paint Islam in a bad light, they read the mistranslated version.

“But it says to kill infidels!” you’re probably saying. It says to kill idolaters.

The Old Testament has a similar law. Our God is a jealous God. The first Commandment is to not have any gods other than Him. So is it really all that surprising that in the time before forgiveness was possible that idolaters were to be killed? Now we can be forgiven, thanks to Jesus’ sacrifice.

Islam, believe it or not, is a religion of peace. I’m friends with some of them, and they’re some of the friendliest people I’ve ever met. The problem is that extremists come in and want things their way, so they twist the Quran to say something it doesn’t.

I think it might help to have Christian examples. The Ku Klux Klan is a group of white supremists who use the Bible to further their agenda. They claim to be Christians, but they are a terrorist group.

You might look at the Klan and go, “What?? They’re not Christians!! They’re spreading hate and violence!!” Now you understand how real Muslims view ISIS, al Qaeda, and the Taliban.

Now you’re probably why I’m defending Muslims in a Christian blog. It goes back to the opening verse.

Acts 15:7(KJV)

And when there had been much disputing, Peter rose up, and said unto them, Men and brethren, ye know how that a good while ago God made choice among us, that the Gentiles by my mouth should hear the word of the gospel, and believe.

I would absolutely love it if everyone became a Christian. Including my Islamic friends. But Christianity is a choice. We’re not called to convert anyone, we’re called to just spread the Word of God. If someone decides to believe upon hearing, that’s awesome! But if you tell them about Jesus and they don’t accept Him as the Son of God, that’s not on you.

So if people decide to be Muslim, do not judge them. We’re called to love everyone. Hating Muslims because they’re Muslim makes you no better than what you claim they are. I’m always hearing people say, “We need to kill all the Muslims”. Why? Because they kill non-Muslims? If you don’t see the irony in that, that’s just sad…

The Truth About Christmas (Part 4)

Matthew 2:11(KJV)

11 And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense and myrrh.

What was it that the unknown number of wise men brought Baby Jesus? Seems a bit random, if you ask me. What would a baby do with gold? And what on Earth are those other two things? If I didn’t know better, I’d think there some kind of symbolism there.

You know where this is going.

Genesis 24:30(KJV)

30 And it came to pass, when he saw the earring and bracelets upon his sister’s hands, and when he heard the words of Rebekah his sister, saying, Thus spake the man unto me; that he came unto the man; and, behold, he stood by the camels at the well.

It’s traditional to give gold in some form when you become engaged. In modern times, it’s now usually a diamond ring, but in the past the groom-to-be would give his bride-to-be a gold ring or bracelet. When Rebekah’s brother saw the gold earring and bracelets, he knew she was engaged to be married.

What about frankincense and myrrh?

Song of Solomon 1:13(KJV)

13 A bundle of myrrh is my well-beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts.

It’s a little known tradition that frankincense and myrrh are used in weddings, especially in olden times. The groom-to-be would smell of it, and everyone would know he’s engaged.

But what do these have to do with Baby Jesus?

Ephesians 5:25(KJV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

The Church is the Bride of Christ. So what now looks like inappropriate gifts for a baby turns out to actually be symbolic.